He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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