Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
