I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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