at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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