I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
