Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
