Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found your dick twin last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
as a side note pls kill me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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