A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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