I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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