i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
