I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
