Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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