If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
