Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
