Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
