Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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