Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
