her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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