Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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