I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
