2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
