To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
