As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize