I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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