Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
