...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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