Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
