If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
