i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
