So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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