i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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