I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
