I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
