I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
