I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
