Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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