He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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