U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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