i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
