Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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