do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
