Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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