I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
did i just pee glitter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
