i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She's the barista slut.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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