How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
