He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
