i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
