I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
