We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Damn victory sex feels great
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize