I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
