i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize