I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
