Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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