I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
