Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
