guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
