Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
