Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
