only if we run a train.
done.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
