Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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