Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
