who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
