so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
