Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
