But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
