I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's never too late to be topless.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
