Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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