I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
