so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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