toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
