Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
