I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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