The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
