its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize