so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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