Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
